Darwin,
Since I don't have any means of contacting you other than your mobile phone and I'm pretty sure you'll visit my blog one of these days, I've created this open letter for you.
What can I say? You broke my heart into tiny little pieces again. I don't know how you can take that to yourself.
I did not ask nor force you to choose between me and your family. But your silence for the past week answered it anyway.
Last Sunday I decided to forget about you. That's the reason why I decided to go out with my friends. I know I am shy and not that aggressive. But God knows, I hesitated to dance and kiss other guys because I still think about you. We really haven't talked out our issues yet, haven't we?
I don't even know your last name, or your landline number. Heck, I am not even sure if 'Darwin' is your real first name! Shit!
I trusted you so much that I didn't care if I only have your first name and your two mobile numbers. When you handed-over your Globe number to your brother, it's like you've already given me away. You dropped me off the hook. Fed off to the lions.
You never even stood up for me or for our love to your family. I guess you don't trust me or the love we shared. I guess it meant nothing to you.
You never even had the courage to say goodbye. Just like the last time. Still the same you.
I've had enough of relationships. I've let you entered my life because I feel this connection between us that I've never felt before with any other guy. I thought, "He's the one. If he's willing to share the rest of his life with me, I wouldn't look at any other man again."
Oh fuck, am I gonna cry again? Yes. This will be the last time that I'll cry for you. Until this very minute, I am not sure how or what to feel for you. It's like things are so easy for you.
I always want us to be together. I am happy when I'm with you. When I had you back last February, I was the happiest person in the world. But I do not regret that decision. Never. You will be the first and last man that I will attempt to win back.
I'm in despair. Heart-broken for the nth time. Not sure if I'll fall in love the way I fell for you.
Why is it so easy for me to fall for guys?
Why do I have such a foolish heart?
Why am I so vulnerable?
Oh, why can't they fucking last?
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21 comments:
huhu. kaiyak!
share ko lang itong text:
"when your feelings get strong for someone, it's always wiser to stop for a while and give your heart a time to breathe...a time to use your mind, to weigh the situation based on reason and not on emotions. "
basta dave, maraming lalaki sa mundo. hindi mawawala yan. actually pareho tayo, madali ako mainlove. Nakabubuti na nga rin siguro ung pagkakaroon ko ng sakit (na madaling magsawa after 2-3 dates). At marunong din ako magpigil na kahit potential pa yung tao, hindi ako nagsasabi agad or nagpapakita ng motibo.
"this too shall pass." sabi nga ni og mandino (my fave author). KAYA mo yan JR!
korekted by, richard! tama ka dyan... cheer up dave! just learn from it.. smile dude ;o)
NO COMMENT...
I guess I'm moving on..thank you guys!
Dave....
"Never be sad for what is over, just be glad that it was once yours."
....just a simple quote for you my friend. i understand that what you're feeling right now you really can't let go, but you need to let go of him.
saying goodbye is never the hardest part... letting go is.
you'll move on soon enough because you've done a great step towards forgetting by writing about it! some say writing is the best therapy for a heartache (as I believe so).
your (net)friends will always be here for you.
warm regards...
you may not love me the way you loved Darwin...but I could love you the best way I can. I'm sorry if I'm not the best partner for you, still I'm just here as long as you need me. I love you and always am.
@Anonymous 7/14/08 9:38 AM: Eh? Who are you po?
You know me....I'll just be around if you need me- "Lonely Hunter"
'bote' nga sau... cheer up, b*kla...anoh vah! ya should get used to it... never ever trust easily... man must earn it... love yah...
-anonymousdin
pathetic...pathetic...pathetic...!!! such corrupted and lustful generation :(
ay, may nagmamalinis!
sino ba ang darwin na yan? baka boyfriend ko din dati yan? Formaran ba? Bading din un eh..
Your Heartache will past...
The important thing is you learned to let go...the pain won't last...
Remember that there's always Sunshine after tne rain....
Smile...
alam mu it happened to me as well, taga binan ba yan?
disclaimer: PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE, wag kayong magagalit. bading din ako. nararanasan ko rin to.
but this is what I hate about gays. minsan nakakalimutan nating "lalaki" tayo in nature. nagpapakababae tayo na parang feeling natin kinakawawa tayo ng mga lalaki.
mas lalo tuloy lumalabas na gumagapang tayo para lang magkaron ng lalaki sa buhay.
in the first place, dapat una pa lang alam na natin yun. pwede tayong ipagpalit ng mga lalaki sa ibang bagay, even the least thing we could ever think.
madali rin ako ma-in love. but i never showed it unless the guy proves that he's worth the love.
ayoko na kasing maghabol. ayokong kakapit lang sa akin ang isang guy dahil may kailangan siya sa akin NA IBA sa kailangan ko sa kanya. kaya mas gusto ko na lang din na magmahal ng kapwa bading, at least, pareho kami ng kailangan. hindi niya ko ikakahiya sa mundo.
sana lang talaga matuto na tayo. kung straight ang nakabasa nito, babae man o lalake, basta straight, mandidiri lang sila na pati mga bading nagfi-feeling din. as if na iiyakan tayo ng mga lalake jan.
wake up! hindi yun yung reality. hindi ako nanlalait, pero sinasabi ko lang yung reality (not necessarily the truth, but the reality talaga), na kahit kelan, hindi tayo magiging babae sa paningin ng mga lalake...
hi there, i've been watching your video posts and sometimes reading your blogs for more that a month now, i find it interesting and worth time investing. from your the title above, i knew it from the very beginning that it was about a lost love, honestly i was hesitant to click on it, and now finally got a strong courage to open it.
it was a painful reality that PLU have to pass through. I am pretty sure he (Darwin) had it the same moment with other guy. hahahaha that's why he had the will to do that.
being young and fresh in a relationship we have this so called "purity of affections and intentions" to our beloved one. kaya ganun nalang kasakit, dahil first time.
let us be the start of not doing the same to others....
hi there, for PLU who are young and fresh in a relationship, we have this so called "pure affections and intentions to our beloved one"
he (darwin) may have also experienced the same with other guy that's why he have done it to you too.
sad but true, PLU have to pass through in this kind of painful experience....
This may come a little bit but then like all of us, we are suckers for the drama and the underdog.
Understand that no closure at all leaves one hanging in the dark, but I guess by this time, you have moved on.
I have had the experience. Of not knowing what went wrong, despite the things. And though I have moved on quite fast, the hanging issues subsist.
Maybe, they are bound to happen. Maybe, they are a perennial annoyance to our rather simplistic life.
Maybe, they are a painful reminder that at the back of all of this, one has to take care of one's own survival.
And the rest is history.
I came out of the distress a complete stone hearted gay. That no one will ever ever dare hurt my feeling anymore. If there is one bit of an attempt, I dare swear that you will forever regret hurting me. Never again.
Anger became a true friend and it thought me how to forget.
And eventually forgive....
congrats, your blog is # 1 PLU blog according to discreetmanila.
that is how i discovered your blog.
and this post... i was in the same situation around the same time last year. lately, napapadalas ang pagbalik ko sa ala ala ng kahapon. hindi ko alam kung masyado ba akong nag oover analyze ng mga bagay or senyales ba ito na dapat ko syang balikan.
bahala na si batman. bago naman ako bumitaw, alam kong alam nya (sana alam nya nga) na minahal ko siyang talaga.
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