If I Didn't Love You (by Tina Arena)

I've uploaded this song two weeks ago. Never knew it would fit in.

"So good
When it's good I wanna spend
My whole life lovin' you
But I'm tired
And you don't know how close I've come
To leaving you
You try my patience
And you race me to the wire
It takes every ounce of my will and desire..."

I can't please everyone. I know. And I must admit there are times I just want to quit. Not because there is this force that keeps me from coming back here, but because I love what I'm doing. The only downside is there are some people who either cannot or won't appreciate what I am doing. They want more. They want everything. They want this on this, that on that. So, I really can't please everyone. Please forgive me.

If I didn't love you
If I didn't love you like crazy
If I didn't love you baby
As much as I do
I'd just walk out the door
I couldn't take it anymore
I wouldn't put up with what you put me through
If I didn't love you...

If I didn't love this blog, if I really didn't love this blog crazy, I'd delete it and move on. But, I can't. And I won't. I'm pretty disappointed. Somehow mad. I am a very sensitive guy. I hope you could forgive me for being one. I didn't want it either. It's just me. I'm just being me. HINDI AKO PLASTIC AT AYOKO SA LAHAT ANG PLASTIC. (Sorry sa mga tinamaan, you know yourselves.)

It's hard
But you won't give up 'till you
Push me to the wall
But I know
You're the only one who'll be there for me
When I call (oh yes you will)
I can't help believing
That it's worth it somehow
Cause I've worked too damn hard
To wanna give up now

I am not for fame. Nor awards, nor those blogpolls and votes shit. I just put mine's for additional content. Pero di ko sya kina-kareer. Have you ever seen me posting here "please vote for my site"? It's just there and it's up to the reader.

While this is a personal blog, my fucking personal blog, I seldom post my own thoughts, or my experiences in life whether personal or even sexual unlike other blogs. Not that it's despicable. Is this the reason why my blog is seemed to be a site with "poor-intellectual" and just for "pure carnal yearning"? Shame on me for being one.

Well I have one thing to say then. If you're a self-confessed highly-intellectual gay guy who only yearns for work, fashion, lifestyle and even wince at the sound (and sight) of gay sex, sorry dear you're wasting your time here. Go to those so-called intellectually stimulating gayblogs instead. Bleh!

I lurk and visit other blogsites too, as to prevent double feature postings as well. There are a couple of good sites out there. I try to be on my own. I don't model myself to any blog or even to any blog owner in whatever sense. I am not about to be "oh, I wanna have that one too in my blog" or "I wanna feature that too on my blog" or "I wanna be famous like that blog owner". No. Fuck no!

Sometimes I wonder if all of these postings make sense. Is my hard work really well worth it? Is this blog ever worth visiting for? Do I deserve all such demands?

I am not asking any one of you to love me or this blog. Or make this as your personal #1 blog in the world. I appreciate all the comments, suggestions and support. What I want right now is for you to bear with me on my situation.

While I cannot expect everyone to understand me or my feelings, there's nothing wrong in trying.

I always try to be lenient and responsive when answering your comments. But please do not push me too hard. I have my limits. Do not compare me or this blog to other blogsites or blogowners who has everything at their disposal.

I have a life too guys. I'm also a human being. I've got personal and family issues to deal with too. The fact that I'm breathing these real-life issues here to you is proof enough that I'm very alive. I don't usually post my everyday personal dealings with life, or I might as well get nominated for Best Dramatic Gayblogger then.

On the last note, I'd like to apologize if I ever offended anybody in my last post. I am deeply sorry. But you guys need not to apologize. I treat you as a whole so if one reader texted or e-mailed me on everyone's behalf, I'm already fine.

This blog is still suspended. I'm still looking for a job so I could continue financing this blogging thing and hopefully get my own internet connection at home. I'd rather spend my money on transpo/resumé & ID picture printing than on internet cafés where I only get to see stupid whinings and comments.

A problem on my part is most multimedia companies require at least a year of experience. How can I have an experience if no one is willing to give me one? But even if I got the chance to nail a job, I'll still re-assess everything if I still have to continue blogging. Otherwise, I'll have to call it quits and refrain myself from blogging completely.

Have a nice day.



P.S. A.C., thank you so much for your concern. You are truly an angel.

P.S.S. Thanks to Ramon of PinoyPride.org for adding up this blog on their site. It's an honor sir.

Download MP3
[ files with no download hits for 10 days will be automatically deleted ]

NOTE: This is the US version. Time sequence from 3:30 up to 3:55 was I think added.

File information:
/ Filename: Tina Arena - If I Didn't Love You.mp3
/ Size: 4.62MB
/ Bit Rate: 128 kbps
/ Length: 5:02

Happy Mother's Day

Happy Mother's Day! Oh, I doubt if there's any of 'em reading this blog.

To my Mom, despite all of the things happening to us, you're still the greatest mom in the world. I know you may not be able to read this now, but I hope in time you will and you'll learn to accept me. I love you so much! Muah!