Wednesday, April 16, 2008
Open Letter to Darwin
Since I don't have any means of contacting you other than your mobile phone and I'm pretty sure you'll visit my blog one of these days, I've created this open letter for you.
What can I say? You broke my heart into tiny little pieces again. I don't know how you can take that to yourself.
I did not ask nor force you to choose between me and your family. But your silence for the past week answered it anyway.
Last Sunday I decided to forget about you. That's the reason why I decided to go out with my friends. I know I am shy and not that aggressive. But God knows, I hesitated to dance and kiss other guys because I still think about you. We really haven't talked out our issues yet, haven't we?
I don't even know your last name, or your landline number. Heck, I am not even sure if 'Darwin' is your real first name! Shit!
I trusted you so much that I didn't care if I only have your first name and your two mobile numbers. When you handed-over your Globe number to your brother, it's like you've already given me away. You dropped me off the hook. Fed off to the lions.
You never even stood up for me or for our love to your family. I guess you don't trust me or the love we shared. I guess it meant nothing to you.
You never even had the courage to say goodbye. Just like the last time. Still the same you.
I've had enough of relationships. I've let you entered my life because I feel this connection between us that I've never felt before with any other guy. I thought, "He's the one. If he's willing to share the rest of his life with me, I wouldn't look at any other man again."
Oh fuck, am I gonna cry again? Yes. This will be the last time that I'll cry for you. Until this very minute, I am not sure how or what to feel for you. It's like things are so easy for you.
I always want us to be together. I am happy when I'm with you. When I had you back last February, I was the happiest person in the world. But I do not regret that decision. Never. You will be the first and last man that I will attempt to win back.
I'm in despair. Heart-broken for the nth time. Not sure if I'll fall in love the way I fell for you.
Why is it so easy for me to fall for guys?
Why do I have such a foolish heart?
Why am I so vulnerable?
Oh, why can't they fucking last?